This book, on the other hand, is a shed-friendly man's guide to the whole scary, life-changing business.
One that looks beyond the happy-clappy clich-s into the fiery hell of night feeds and projectile vomiting. 'Shit happens' will suddenly start to make sense as a phrase.
Providing crucial information and insight on every aspect of parenting with pitch perfect humour, it takes the father-to-be on a white-knuckle ride from conception to the first birthday that also considers the emotional truths and selfish imperatives that fathers are usually asked to bury out of sight.
It is a personally informed journey but touches all the crucial practical bases to make it a one-stop, know-it-all manual for the prospective dad.
Whether fatherhood is imminent or you're still kidding yourself that broodiness is just a phase your partner's going through, the naked truth is in here, or perhaps you just want to laugh at other men in this predicament or use this book as a form of contraception!
CONTENTS:
Bang Bang You're Dad
Oh Dear Oh Dear
The Big Questions;
The First Trimester
The Bump
The Second Trimester
The Run In
What You Need To Know
What You Need To Do
Amazing Stories
New Life
The Importance Of Being Ernest(Or Ernestina)
Stuff
It's Alive
Breasts
Piss
Shit and Vomit
Waaah !
Sleep
The Blue
The Love
The Fear
Registered Dad
The Six-Month Audit
Competitive Dad
Baby bore
Vinegar & Brown Paper
Mr Bad Example
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A gifted journalist and public speaker, Marcus Berkmann is an ex-Independent on Sunday sports columnist and ex-Mail pop critic. He writes for the Spectator and Private Eye. His previous book The Rain Men (1996) is a modern classic that still regularly reprints. The Telegraph called it 'the Fever Pitch of cricket' and Sir Tim Rice called it 'a masterpiece'. Marcus - who claims to have two small children - views parenting with the combined eye of Miriam Stoppard and Bertie Wooster.